Speaking of monkeys ...
"If you have difficulty understanding the current world financial situation, the following should help..."
Once upon a time in a village in India , a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10.
The villagers seeing there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10, but, as the supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their efforts. The man further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now act as buyer, on his behalf.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when he returns from the city, you can sell them back to him for $50.'
The villagers squeezed together their savings and bought all the monkeys.
Then they never saw the man or his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere! Welcome to WALL STREET.
Thursday, 23 October 2008
Thursday, 2 October 2008
HYPNOSIS REALLY WORKS
A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those Headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone.'
'No more headaches?' the husband asks, 'What happened?'
His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me To Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat
'I do not Have a Headache;
I do not have a headache,
I do not have a headache.'
It Worked! The headaches are all gone.'
The husband replies, 'Well, that is wonderful.'
His wife then says, 'You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?'
The husband agrees to try it
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.
He Puts her on The bed and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back..'
He goes into The Bathroom and comes back. A few minutes later and jumps into bed And makes Passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, 'Boy, that was wonderful!'
The husband says, 'Don't move! I will be right back.'
He goes back Into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than The First time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'
With that, He goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom,
She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
'She's not my Wife.
She's Not my wife.
She's not my wife...'
His funeral service will be held on Friday.
Please be on time!!
'No more headaches?' the husband asks, 'What happened?'
His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me To Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat
'I do not Have a Headache;
I do not have a headache,
I do not have a headache.'
It Worked! The headaches are all gone.'
The husband replies, 'Well, that is wonderful.'
His wife then says, 'You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?'
The husband agrees to try it
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.
He Puts her on The bed and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back..'
He goes into The Bathroom and comes back. A few minutes later and jumps into bed And makes Passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, 'Boy, that was wonderful!'
The husband says, 'Don't move! I will be right back.'
He goes back Into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than The First time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'
With that, He goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom,
She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
'She's not my Wife.
She's Not my wife.
She's not my wife...'
His funeral service will be held on Friday.
Please be on time!!
Tuesday, 10 June 2008
How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?
One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary!!!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $omething mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Marian $hih
The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:
Dear Marian
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $omething mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Marian $hih
The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:
Dear Marian
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
No Boss?
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses’ wife instead:
“I’m afraid he died last week. ” she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
“I told you” the wife replies, “he died last week.”
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:
“I’VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?”
” Coz . . .” he replied laughing, “I just love hearing it”.
“I’m afraid he died last week. ” she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
“I told you” the wife replies, “he died last week.”
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:
“I’VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?”
” Coz . . .” he replied laughing, “I just love hearing it”.
Wednesday, 28 November 2007
Innocence at its best
A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked,
"Then why did you eat him?"
He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked,
"Then why did you eat him?"
Wednesday, 14 November 2007
Used condoms recycled as hair ties
BEIJING, CHINA — Used condoms are being recycled into hair bands and hair ties in southern China, threatening to spread sexually-transmittable diseases they were originally meant to prevent, state media reported yesterday.
In the latest example of potentially harmful Chinese-made products, rubber hair bands have been found in local markets and beauty salons in Dongguan and Guangzhou cities in southern Guangdong province, the China Daily newspaper said.
"These cheap and colourful rubber bands and hair ties sell well ... threatening the health of local people," it said.
Despite being recycled, the hair bands could still contain bacteria and viruses, it said. "People could be infected with Aids, (genital) warts or other diseases if they hold the rubber bands or strings in their mouths while weaving their hair into plaits or buns," the daily quoted a local dermatologist as saying.
A bag of 10 of the recycled bands sells for just 25 fen (4 cents), much cheaper than others on the market, accounting for their popularity, the newspaper said.
A government official was quoted as saying that recycling condoms was illegal. China's manufacturing industry has been tarnished this year by a string of scandals involving shoddy or dangerous goods made for domestic and foreign markets. It has launched a public relations blitz aimed at playing up efforts to strengthen monitoring systems. — AFP
HAZARD: These hair ties made from used condoms may harbour diseases such as Aids.
In the latest example of potentially harmful Chinese-made products, rubber hair bands have been found in local markets and beauty salons in Dongguan and Guangzhou cities in southern Guangdong province, the China Daily newspaper said.
"These cheap and colourful rubber bands and hair ties sell well ... threatening the health of local people," it said.
Despite being recycled, the hair bands could still contain bacteria and viruses, it said. "People could be infected with Aids, (genital) warts or other diseases if they hold the rubber bands or strings in their mouths while weaving their hair into plaits or buns," the daily quoted a local dermatologist as saying.
A bag of 10 of the recycled bands sells for just 25 fen (4 cents), much cheaper than others on the market, accounting for their popularity, the newspaper said.
A government official was quoted as saying that recycling condoms was illegal. China's manufacturing industry has been tarnished this year by a string of scandals involving shoddy or dangerous goods made for domestic and foreign markets. It has launched a public relations blitz aimed at playing up efforts to strengthen monitoring systems. — AFP
HAZARD: These hair ties made from used condoms may harbour diseases such as Aids.
Tuesday, 10 July 2007
Sexy Statistic on Green Issues
Want the Real Deal? Here's where the rubber meets the road.
1. According to the Environment Agency of Britain, it is estimated that between 60 and 100 million condoms are improperly disposed of each year in the UK. (link)
2. The research group TNO conducted a study for Greenpeace Netherlands and found 7 out of 8 sex toys they tested contained phthalates in concentrations ranging from 24 to 51 percent. (link)
3. The US has one of highest rates of unintended pregnancies of industrialized nations: almost half of the six million pregnancies each year in the US are unintentional. (link)
4. Worldwide, more than one in five adults has used a vibrator.
5. According to the 2005 Durex Global Sex Survey, 22% of people worldwide have had sex in the garden.
Source: liveearth.msn.com/green/htgsexlife2
1. According to the Environment Agency of Britain, it is estimated that between 60 and 100 million condoms are improperly disposed of each year in the UK. (link)
2. The research group TNO conducted a study for Greenpeace Netherlands and found 7 out of 8 sex toys they tested contained phthalates in concentrations ranging from 24 to 51 percent. (link)
3. The US has one of highest rates of unintended pregnancies of industrialized nations: almost half of the six million pregnancies each year in the US are unintentional. (link)
4. Worldwide, more than one in five adults has used a vibrator.
5. According to the 2005 Durex Global Sex Survey, 22% of people worldwide have had sex in the garden.
Source: liveearth.msn.com/green/htgsexlife2
Friday, 29 June 2007
SEX
for men only...
You may want to take that laptop off your lap. Portable computers can heat up to 158 degrees inside. After an hour, that can raise the temperature of your testes by 3.6 degrees, nearly twice what it takes to harm fertility.
For better sex, crank the thermostat way, way up. Working on the same concept as Bikram, or hot, yoga, this momentary splurge on your heating bill will have you breaking the social taboo of getting sweaty together. Taboo-breaking ups her vulnerability and makes her feel closer to you. Plus, everything will just be a whole lot slipperier.
To get your partner in the mood, turn down the Barry White and feed her Good & Plenty. In a study by noted Chicago smell researcher Dr. Alan Hirsch, women exposed to the scent of licorice experienced a 13 percent increase in vaginal blood flow. That compares to a 14 percent reduction from the scent of barbecue smoke.
In a related study by Hirsch on penile blood flow, topping the men's list was an interesting pairing of lavender extract and...pumpkin pie. The number two slot? Licorice and doughnuts.
If you think yoga is a great way to meet hot women, think again -- it's a great way to meet hot, turned-on women. Certain poses, such as the eagle, direct blood flow to a woman's pelvis, increasing sensation, says Rutgers sex researcher Beverly Whipple.
You may want to take that laptop off your lap. Portable computers can heat up to 158 degrees inside. After an hour, that can raise the temperature of your testes by 3.6 degrees, nearly twice what it takes to harm fertility.
For better sex, crank the thermostat way, way up. Working on the same concept as Bikram, or hot, yoga, this momentary splurge on your heating bill will have you breaking the social taboo of getting sweaty together. Taboo-breaking ups her vulnerability and makes her feel closer to you. Plus, everything will just be a whole lot slipperier.
To get your partner in the mood, turn down the Barry White and feed her Good & Plenty. In a study by noted Chicago smell researcher Dr. Alan Hirsch, women exposed to the scent of licorice experienced a 13 percent increase in vaginal blood flow. That compares to a 14 percent reduction from the scent of barbecue smoke.
In a related study by Hirsch on penile blood flow, topping the men's list was an interesting pairing of lavender extract and...pumpkin pie. The number two slot? Licorice and doughnuts.
If you think yoga is a great way to meet hot women, think again -- it's a great way to meet hot, turned-on women. Certain poses, such as the eagle, direct blood flow to a woman's pelvis, increasing sensation, says Rutgers sex researcher Beverly Whipple.
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